Soon thereafter, up at my school, my car was broken into near the track that I run on. For some dumb reason, the passenger’s side back window was broken, and the intruder ripped my CD player out. To add insult to injury, in a little thin leather case, I had $350 stuffed down between the passenger seat and the armrest that the thief took as well. He was kind enough not to take the big bag of CD’s (that had nearly every current CD I owned) inside of it. I was pissed. I called the police from the scene and made the report. When I got home, I called my insurance company to take care of what I needed to do with them. My mail pickup address location was registered with them (just like I do with any other business that I deal with), but the glass company they appointed for me needed to come to my house to repair the window. When it was time to give my physical address to them, I hesitated. That kind of stressed me out, considering what I was going through with all this phone tapping. My physical address was about the last piece of privacy I hoped I had left (considering the fact that Janet knew everything else about me).
When I got done, I called my father to ask that he help me out with the money I lost.
After that (incident?) when I was online with Janet, she was telling me about how fake I was [expecting me to read her mind again-this time, about something I know for a fact she “overheard”]. And in being considerate of what she knew for a fact I was in the middle of going through; why she would pick this day in particular to fight, knowing I would be in no mood? But I soon found out why. Bait.
Later, when she was getting dressed, she made mention how she was on her way to: “help out a friend in need.” I looked at the quote she wrote at the bottom of the email she sent me (after my incident but right before I logged on). The quote read: “Anyone with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire…”
Typically in I.M, we would discuss her quotes (that she would write at the bottom of her most recent email) but this time, I ignored that one-that’s why she called me “fake” (because I didn’t take the bait). I really didn’t feel comfortable responding to the quote, at this particular time. I guess since she knew that I knew she knew I needed money; perhaps I would ask her...(after we discussed the quote).
With this new “overhearing” revelation, that opened up the doors for a lot of good and bad things that could happen-especially if I went against my A) and B) promises and rules.
I knew that if I took the liberty of responding to anything she “overhead,” that was going to put her in a position of a new level of control that could really get bad. So although I was in need, I still had to stand by my A) and B) promises, because she already took too many liberties of opening too many doors where too many things can be run all through...
Besides, I mean think about it. With a mere $350 need, how much do you ask someone with over $200 million dollars for? I was more than sure that with as much as she knew about me, through all that she’d hunted and gathered (“overheard”) she had a guesstimate of about how much I needed anyways-even before this new “overhearing” revelation. So my thinking was: “BITCH. OFFER IT! Don’t force me to be put in your debt twice!”
If she wanted to truly give anything to me (with no strings attached and out of the pureness of her heart), she actually would’ve done that a long time ago, especially considering how she claimed to love me so + considering how long she had been phone tapping me (before I even found out). I’m sure she’s “overheard” a lot more of my money troubles than a mere $350 need and a fucking busted window. Please. Shit, because I know if I was “Brie cheesed up” and called myself being in love with some chick that I was heavily pursuing; I would’ve wooed her ass from afar, so tough, and with so many surprises; that she would’ve thought she was dreaming. I would’ve put such a spell on that bitch that she would’ve been way too head sprung to think twice about being hesitating to come meet me-especially considering the fact that I had plenty of one thing: “money to burn.” She sure as hell would’ve attended my fire-stretched all the way out.
I was watching her moves and playing chess with her to the tip-top level I could: with only my sense and sensibilities-that was my only power in this. She ruled with the money, power, resources, and influence. But if ever this “F” went down (fight or fail-which would only definitely be over something she forced me to), I had to make sure all my ducks would be in a row and that my sense and sensibilities would be as valuable as her money, power, resources, and influence. I could already tell that she (and her hired help) were not good judges of strategy-especially in considering that one thing she had most to burn: Money.
In the game of strategy, you can’t fall for a girl, then go at her with a knife because your dude was checking her out too, and then flip back to falling for her and expect her to be ok with (still) no solid answers as to why you went at her so hard, but trust that she should trust riding off into the sunset with you by removing herself from safety, when [by way of that same thing you have: money] you can make her disappear if you wanted to.
But if you call yourself being in love with her (and your intentions were anything remotely close to sincere), you would put your money where it’d lead to your mouth: Let it be the first to be seen as the bait to get to you. She wasn’t smart enough a strategist to do that. And as smart and tech-savvy as her friends and digerati were, they weren’t smart enough to help her plan that perfect strategy (especially considering the fact that they knew she was “in love with the girl”). This setup she’s got going don’t come cheap yet, she (or they) didn’t know how to lay the bait out to whom was most valuable to her (but yet they went through all that to get her to beg). I’m not a fucking beggar. You can’t know what I need, have it, and don’t offer (and we both know that you know). I wouldn’t even let a dude woo me so tackily, and I sure as hell wouldn’t let a broad with a dildo and a good mouth and some short fat fingers do it either-regardless who she is.
But that’s just me-my (sensible) thinking. And she’s not me. So there is another side: her side. And on that other side, knowing her the way that I do, I also know that she was never going to give me anything unless I asked her, because she wants to be in total control every which way she can. Her need for controlling things was more mental than she could be anything else romantically or strategically. And I do know however, that if she sent anything to me it would not be a little bit of something, it would certainly be an amount to make her feel more comfortable than she already was, with controlling my life and time. The money would have just been the tool she needed to tell me who, what, when, where, why, and how I can and can’t doing anything-and if I broke those “rules” (even my own A) and B) rules) she would feel no way about making her virtual presence known in one ominous way or another that she could afford to undo or ruin (I do know that much about her brand of “romantic strategy”). So until I asked her for whatever I needed, she was going to sit, watch and know. And me? I settled with being content in knowing that the money she is forking out to keep tabs and tap on me aint cheap-so she’s paying for me one way or another.
I methodically and strategically insisted that she only be in control of and given the truth about what I really did feel for her-that only cost me a lot of time (that I was losing anyways) and a few miles on my head and my heart but I’ve run races on that track before a time or two, so I’ve had enough practice and tons of stamina in that regard…
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