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Misogynistic Types: How to Spot One. What to Do (And What Not To Do)
A woman is at her fiercest when she has awesome self-esteem, is confident, and doesn’t allow herself to the get caught in the clinches and stranglehold of a misogynist.
To any woman, a misogynistic type of man is like kryptonite to Superman, alcohol to an open wound, bleach to black, arsenic to the body, and a clot to a beating heart.
There is no bigger way to kill a woman softly than by shaking her confidence, her self-esteem, and breaking her spirit.
There is no bigger killer of a woman than an actual misogynist or a misogynistic type of man.
A man who has his thoughts, actions, feelings and behavior towards women under control is not a “misogynistic type” (let's make that clear).
And in the land of dealing with women, it’s really hard out here for a man not to be the misogynistic type. It’s everyday headwork for them-a lifestyle and mindset that they have to be willing to work on.
It is just as much a conscious effort for them to not to be misogynist as it is a woman having to make a conscious effort to not be promiscuous (while dealing in the land of men and in search of finding “love”).
Female promiscuity brings pain to a man (even if a man merely assumes, but has no proof that a woman is promiscuous).
Misogyny brings pain to a woman-her proof has to be experienced (or she has to be forewarned of the signs and what it looks and feels like)…So *in my Queenly wave* Hello…hi Diamonds, let's talk:
WHAT MAKES A MAN “TURN INTO” A MISOGYNIST?
I do not believe that there is any scientific evidence to prove that a woman is born with a “whore gene” and pre-disposition, and as well, there is no scientific evidence to prove that a man is born with a gene or predisposition of misogyny.
Every man has it in him to “turn into a misogynist,” just like every woman has it in her to “turn into a whore.” The inability (or willingness) to cope or adapt (healthily) to certain social, societal, personal, economic, and interpersonal situations in life can make a man “turn into a misogynist” and a woman “turn into a whore.”
A man “turning into a misogynist” is (typically) situation and circumstance-specific (before turning “pathological”). Pathological meaning: it has gone “abnormal” and reached a point of repetition that has turned out to be detrimental to himself or other people in society/around him and that functioning has reached a point of abnormality that it can be safely diagnosed as being a disease or condition-because it is imbedded (internal/to self) and then habitual exercised (external/onto others without care, concern, thought or regard).
Beautiful Women can make misogynists out of men, in that a man taking it upon himself to be intimidated by a beautiful woman; finding it hard to approach one even when wants to. That apprehension can make him hate beautiful women simply because of something he wants, desires, or likes-but fears. He may see a beautiful woman as being something harmful to men (mentally and emotionally). In his mind, a “beautiful woman” plays a role in his head that she never even auditioned for, yet, he’s already closed the curtains on them all (by way of those thoughts and insecurities in his own head). To repeatedly exercise these thoughts can make a man “turn into” an actual misogynist, because they can very well manifest.
Successful Women can make misogynists out of men, in that (as explained in the “Beautiful Woman” paragraph) he has taken it upon himself to be intimidated by a successful woman. As well, (like how he sees a “Beautiful Woman”), he may feel a successful woman uses her beauty to put herself in places and ahead in areas that a man has to work and prove himself. Opposite that, he may very well have experienced being with or having known a successful woman and either took it upon himself to, or was made to feel inferior or beneath her. By way of the inferior thoughts and insecurities in his own head these repeated feelings (imagined or experienced) can very well manifest (in unhealthy ways) an can indeed give birth to a misogynist.
Liberated Women can make misogynists out of men. A woman who is comfortable in her sexuality (whether it be bisexual, lesbian or heterosexual, if a man is weak-minded, insecure, or had a bad/emotional experience) can make him feel inferior or emasculated either by way of what he may have experienced or by way of the penalty he placed upon these kinds of women by way of the court of his very own heads’ opinion.
Throughout certain chapters in this book, you will read me go over the endearing obedient/Oedipus-like complexes that all men have (with regard to women) where they have certain internal ideas in their heads about women that are so innocent [but also work in favor of women-our power that we have over them because of].
A man’s disdain for the liberated woman is an area of that complex that is not so innocent, endearing, and cute. Men have a sort built-in black box recording of what a woman is supposed to be like by way of how they see and fell in love with their mothers-regardless the level of nurturing (or lack thereof) that they received-it’s just “in” them: the craving, the experience, or the yearning (it’s all the same). Men were conceived and given life inside of a woman’s body; swam in, developed, and protected by a woman for the first nine months of their existence. They cannot help but feel so deeply-hence why they love so distantly…surviving and faking it, until they feel absolutely-positively sure (as explained in the very first paragraph of the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake An Entire Relationship For Years).
No matter how indecent, immoral, or unscrupulous he may be; most men see a liberated woman as indecent, immoral or unscrupulous. Because if she is in any way happy, thriving, vibrant, and/or successful, if she isn’t committed to any man, or isn’t any man’s Queen or wife, she is the next awful thing to a whore, because in his mind-that’s impossible to do, or to be, or to have (without the backing or love of a man). And if she is living it, doing it, or being it-chances are, she has broken some hearts along the way (and like I explained in chapter tip Gem#3, all men identify with any man’s heartbreak in ways that women will never share amongst one another).
In his mind, for every liberated (single-by-choice) bisexual, heterosexual, or lesbian woman who is happy, vibrant, thriving, there are at least ten men who are walking wounded because of her choices (in some way or another).
A man will hate a woman for that even if he does not know her-but heard of or about her.
Believe it or not-all men naturally feel that way, unless he has conditioned himself to think healthily and too, is liberal enough to understand the concept of “to live and let live.” A very rare thing for any man to come to terms with, and for the ones who do not and or refuse to, repeated thoughts and unmet ideals in their heads can very well manifest in ways that can turn them into chronic misogynists. Because [more often than his idea of a “beautiful woman”] he will experience, meet, come across, or hear tale of a “liberated woman” every day of his life. And every day of his life that he does not “live and let live,” he kills a part of himself and does too, some unsuspecting woman who met and possibly took up with him…who did not allow herself enough time to get to know him and right now, is suffering some very emotional, mental and/or physical consequences as a result of.
Promiscuous Women can make misogynists out of men. As explained in the “Liberated Women” paragraph, in most men’s minds, a promiscuous woman is seen the same way he sees a liberated woman because being “liberated” is a kind of promiscuity. (Promiscuity is not exclusive to just sex and indiscretion, promiscuity is also of “mixture” “variety,” “sort,” a “motley”-not exclusive to one particular thing). In most men’s minds, a woman that he knows (or feels) is sexually promiscuous will deal with the scorn that he feels for the liberated woman (in the above paragraph) and as well, the fact that actual “sex” is added to the equation in his mind’s “evidence” (in order to convict her). He feels that there are at least ten men who are walking wounded because of her (regardless if her promiscuity is by choice, bad experience/upbringing, or immaturity). Because he sees himself in the heartbreak [that he is sure has caused many-a-men] nights and days of turmoil, he will feel total disdain for this kind of a woman (regardless of the fact that he, himself, may very well be promiscuous). She’s still a “whore” (to him).
What you have to understand is, in addition to seeing his very own heartbreak in such a thing, men have such a disdain for sexually promiscuous women because they know what goes on in the life of sexual promiscuity (because they typically are-themselves).
BUT, (if you read the first few paragraphs carefully in the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake An Entire Relationship For Years) you should have comprehended what he (actually) feels: A man’s “promiscuity” is for survival and is not emotional, whereas if a woman is promiscuous, well then-in his mind, she is trying, or is actively “thinking like a man” which (in his mind) is not necessary for a woman’s survival. When a woman is promiscuous, that gives that obedient/Oedipus-like complex in him a very rude-awakening. That “Queen” slate lying dormant in him (that he will give every woman)-has been ruined. That Oedipus-like complex that he has…that innate crush and adoration that he had or wanted to have for his mother (that he feels for women in general)…that fantasy is blown to hell when a woman is, or is thought to be promiscuous (by a man). It’s like a little boy walking in on hearing and seeing his mom having sex…that kind of “disgusting”…of the crushed and disappointed kind.
These thoughts or experiences can very well manifest (in unhealthy ways) and give birth to a misogynist.
Failed or Bad Relationships with women (where they’ve collected and held onto the emotional and mental pain) can make misogynists out of men. Men collect hurt and pain even more than the women who experience it. But unlike women, they are able to take their physical bodies (and lives) and carry on, because they are natural survivors in the game of love. As explained in those first few paragraphs in the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake An Entire Relationship For Years section of this book, men can fake a relationship (or remain single) for years at a time, because [unlike women] men do not settle down (seriously) with any woman outside of the ideal and plan in his head that he already has for the woman he wants to commit to, or queen.
Women accept and take up with whomever wants them (if they want them back).
Even having not met her yet, men know who, and what they want (but will stay and take up with who they know they really don’t want…and if she wants him back: “viola!” they “relation-ship”).
Unless and until she has read Gem#7 of this book: Dealing with Love and Life By Decision and Design, women (typically) do not have a “plan.” And if they do-they will go against it and settle for the man that picks her to [settle for, or with] even if she is not in his plan (unbeknownst to her). But he will settle for, her and with her for the time being (for however long).
As for the ones he did commit to, Queen, and settle with; if he was hurt (in any way), whomever he passes time or settles for may have hell to pay or a game to play.
The feelings and experiences that he has collected can very well manifest (in unhealthy ways) and give birth to a misogynist. A man’s emotions may not be at the very forefront as are women’s, but men are way more emotional than women in that they hold emotional grudges far worse and much deeper than women are emotionally wounded. Women have outlets that men cannot always let out.
Societal Pressures, Demands, and Expectations can make misogynists out of men. “Societal pressures” are all aforementioned (the Beautiful Woman, the Successful Woman, the Liberated Woman, the Promiscuous Woman, and the Women of his Bad/Failed Relationships), because just like I explained in chapter tip/Gem#7 of this book: Dealing with Love and Life By Decision and Design, although a woman’s love life (or lack thereof) is her life line; a man’s survival while relation-shipping and in relation-shopping is essential to his survival. So it too, is just as important-but in two different ways (emotionally). Because of that, the Beautiful Woman, the Successful Woman, the Liberated Woman, the Promiscuous Woman, and the Women of his Bad/Failed Relationships, is a social pressure to a man-right in line with social demands and expectations of him and his gender role: to have, to accomplish, to live, to be, and acquire such that he is able to protect and provide (for himself) and eventually a woman and family.
All men cannot fulfill those demands and if so, to the capacity that is expected of them. Sometimes it’s because of personality, bad choices, environment/upbringing, immaturity or sheer laziness and unwillingness to try. But whether a man wishes to play into the way he is socialized and expected to be, it doesn’t go away simply because he may wish for it too. Depending on his individual and personal experience, who he’s met along the way and what pressures or demands were placed upon him; these experiences can very well manifest (in unhealthy) ways that give birth to a misogynist (out of rebellion and anger, or because of rejection and feelings of inadequacy).
Prostitutes are [the actual misogynist]’s play ground. For the doings that men are not allowed to, or is looked at as socially or interpersonally unacceptable (in relation-ship or relation-shop), a female prostitute is paid to provide any “service” that a man can afford to pay for. Figuratively (and even literally speaking) a man can go to the toilet, or the gym on a female prostitute-and do and say things with and to a whore that are considered socially deviant, abnormal (or even criminal) in a normal relationship or situation. An actual misogynist can (or will) give a female prostitute a real run for that money.
We often refer to the hardest job is that of a teacher, or a mom. While that may be true, if you comprehended everything I just wrote in this chapter thus far, you would probably understand that the “hardest” job in the world is that of a prostitute or whore.
Eliminate the lack of respect, understanding, or empathy you may not have for the “job” by taking a moment to realize the things they have experienced while “at work.” A mom and a teacher couldn’t light a candle to their dark (if they’ve lived to survived and tell a story about it). Most probably don’t even know they have stories to tell because it is a way of life and survival.
When people “survive” they become numb to emotion that most other people would get emotional about.
Men, like prostitutes and whores, “survive” too (as I explained in the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake An Entire Relationship For Years section of this book). And from the first moment at five years old when he is bust in the chest for whining and crying too much, and reared to socialize in direct parallel to a woman (in order to be accepted, and respected), his show began.
Just because a society has an expectation or demand of certain things, does not mean its subjects are emotionally, mentally, financially or physically ready and prepared to meet them-anymore than a ten year old girl getting her period is ready to have children and raise a family. Just because she can now, doesn’t mean she is prepared to.
What (hurtful things) a man sees, hears, experiences (or misses out on experiencing) can very well manifest unhealthily…and as a result-give birth to a misogynist.
WHO IS THE MISOGYNISTIC TYPE OF MAN?
Even more so, what’s so eerie about a misogynist is that he cannot be “profiled” (easily).
Depending on the expectation, pressure, or demand that caused it to manifest, a poor man, a rich man, and a middle-class man can be in the same misogynistic boat.
A misogynistic man comes in wide variety and chameleon of male types:
He can work at a gas station, be a successful businessman, he can have a high-powered position at a Fortune 500 company, or he can be a vibrant and seemingly well-adjusted married man with children.
He can be a charming, heterosexual and popular “ladies man,” or he can be (secretly “bisexual”) but identifies as a heterosexual man.
He can be that man that pumped and paid for your gas the other day with the pretty teeth, smile and great sense of humor.
He can be that nice man that carried your groceries to your car.
He can be your son, your brother, your uncle, your dad, your nephew, your pastor, that spiritual, light-footed/Zen or that "positive" motivational speaker that seems to be well-put together, well-adjusted and scrupulous.
He can be that awesome conversationalist that took you to dinner last night.
As well (and typically), he could very well be that serial killer that made the news for allegedly being responsible for the countless female bodies turning up in the area.
HOW TO “SPOT” AN ACTUAL MISOGYNIST
Unfortunately, you can’t. You will never be able point them out at a glance.
He can be a rich man, a hobo, a poor man, or a broke man.
He can be any race, creed or color.
A misogynistic type of man is something you will have to experience (to know for sure). The good thing about it is that unlike a man’s emotions (that aren’t worn on his sleeve) a misogynistic man’s qualities are pasted on his forehead more visible than a woman’s heart is worn on her sleeve.
BUT one thing about the human experience is that you cannot learn, “think like,” or deal with any other person/s until you are (first) in full knowledge and truth with, and about your self. You have to build yourself up in a certain way that at times, your own truth about yourself may make you not want to look yourself in the mirror until you decide to make necessary changes (to better your personal self).
Rationale and logic go a long way.
Like fact, you can take logic to court.
You can only take rationale to the head and to the heart.
Take intuition by the hand as your best friend.
You may not be able to take it to court, but it is your: judge, your jury, your gavel, and your lock and key that opens the door to: insight, and foresight however, it will not respect you if you do not respect it-and in that case: you get the leftovers: hindsight.
So never discount it, or count it out while using logic, and rationale.
As well, and more importantly, do not depend on it and attempt to use it to rely on any answers for you if you are not true to yourself-you’ll only be “justifying,” that’s not “intuition” (those are two different things).
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE FOR YOU:
Do not “justify” misogynistic behavior and treatment of you simply because you think you love or like a man-or because you [think] that outside of his misogynistic treatment of you he loves or likes you too.
You as a woman, you naturally know what feels “uncomfortable” in treatment from a man versus what feels true, or good, or right.
Whether secretly and at a distance-socially, or in private-alone with him:
You know if a man is competitively trying to break you by being cryptic.
You know if a man is/trying to bully you.
You know if a man is combative and cryptic.
You know if a man is being aggressive (passively) and resistant, strong-arming you into playing a game of “reverse chivalry”-making you feel like if you don’t do the pursuing, initiating, paying, etc. it just won’t be.
You know if a man is using you (for sex, and/or especially-money), taking advantage of you (versus truly being interested in you-giving you sex only, in place of quality time and genuine conversation and showing true interest, soaking up your heat, eating up your food, relaxing at your cable box and big-screen, and using your humble abode as a type of drop-inn center and temporary place to stay).
Do not justify that behavior and treatment of you.
Do not rationalize (excuse) that behavior and treatment of you for fear of not having that man in your life.
THE DISTINCTION: “QUALITIES”-vs-QUALIFICATIONS OF MISOGYNY
A man turning into or qualifying as a misogynist is typically: situation, and circumstance-specific (before turning “pathological.”) Pathological meaning: it has gone abnormal and reached a point of repetition that has turned out to be detrimental to himself and/or other people. And that functioning has reached a point of abnormality that it can be safely diagnosed as being a disease or condition-because it is imbedded (internal/to self) and then habitually exercised (external/onto others without care, concern, thought or regard).
As a student of behavioral science and disciplines (and out of respect for the science and human beings in general), I choose to use the word “misogynistic type” because although a person can exhibit the qualities of a misogynist, it doesn’t necessarily mean he is a misogynist, however, he is the misogynist “type” because he exhibits the qualities of a misogynist.
We (all human beings) are capable of murder, whether:
When there is a thought or emotion that arouses us in a way to make us feel a certain way, that is “human” and therefore: “normal.”
But when that or those thoughts and emotions arouse us in a way that the feeling becomes a behavior…that becomes “abnormal” in that because of those thoughts and emotions, you have taken it from your internal self and struck another human being with actions derived from the emotions and thoughts therefore, it has becomes a behavior and is considered to be “abnormal.”
“Striking” another human being with actions derived from emotions and thoughts can be: cryptic, passive aggressive, mental, or physical-it’s all the same behavior slash “abnormality.”
We have the “right” to dislike, have disdain for, or “hate” a person if we wish to.
We can “hate” them for who they are, what they do, what they don’t do (or for whatever reason we feel).
But as long as: who they are, what they do, what they don’t (or whatever reason) is something they did not turn directly to us and do anything to us…then we have no “defensive reason” to do anything to them.
So in that case, if we take it upon ourselves to exhibit behavior/act on the dislike, hate, or disdain we feel for someone (who did nothing to us), we have over stepped boundaries and acted “impulsively” simply because of what we feel or think.
That is considered “abnormal” and is therefore, a “problem” (because our actions and behavior wasn’t accidental or defensive), it’s not their problem.
Whatever (we feel or think) their function or dysfunction is; it’s none of our business until they turn it to us-directly (and as a result-we defend ourselves).
Other than that if we impulsively behave and act from emotion or though, that means-it is not by accident, and it is not for defending ourselves, but rather: it’s then our own abnormality or and own personal dysfunction-not theirs.
That general example can occur: Man-to-Man, Woman-to-Woman, or even: Woman-to-Man.
As “unfair” as it seems, when it occurs from MAN-to-WOMAN, it becomes “misogyny” because a woman is (definitely) physically, (and considered to be) mentally, and emotionally the “weaker sex.”
Therefore, if a man cannot control his EMOTIONS and THOUGHTS, more than likely, he will BEHAVE IMPULSIVELY (which, because a woman is the weaker sex physically/mentally/emotionally), his cryptic, passive aggressive, mental, or physical ACTIONS done to a her can do ACCIDENTAL or PRE-MEDITATED harm to a woman (who is considered to be DEFENSELESS to a man, versus ways that she possibly defend herself against someone of the same sex).
So when a man’s thoughts and emotions have crossed the boundaries of actually doing something about those thoughts and emotions, and he exhibits that behavior towards, and to a woman-he is considered to be: a “misogynist” by definition.
That is why as a human being (especially in relation to other human beings) your thoughts and your emotions are not your “friend.”
You have to control your mind and your emotions, or they will control you.
If you cannot control your mind and emotions (where other people are concerned), you (having thought of yourself as being a normal functioning individual) will find yourself surprising even your own self: crossing boundaries, which in turn-turns into a pathology or abnormality, which in turn-can turn into a crime before you know it; a spiritual crime and as well: an unlawful crime-making someone else a victim of your actions and behavior, simply because of your own personal thoughts and emotions. Control yourself.
And woman: refuse to be controlled in that manner.
Nip it in the bud, fold it, walk away, or run.
NARCISSISM, MISOGYNY, YOU & ME
By misogyny’s definition and diagnosis:
Not necessarily because a man lost his temper and struck a woman does that qualify him as being a “misogynist” (believe it or not).
Not necessarily because a man uses a woman for money, sex or other comforts does that qualify him as a “misogynist.”
Not necessarily because he yelled at a woman and called her (or women in general) ungodly and degrading things-does that necessarily mean he is a “misogynist.”
Not necessarily because a man feels a woman should ingratiate herself to him first (invite for a date, a dance, a drink, or at introducing/meeting/relation-shopping etc.), does that qualify him as being a narcissist, misogynist, chauvinist-either.
Actually, the way we communicate and socialize today, we all are either: narcissistic types, and (or) voyeur types-one, (and/or) the other.
Make no mistake about it.
If someone you know claims not to have or use Facebook or Twitter, you can best believe he or she has an account for which they use to voyeur lists of people at thought and whim.
We cannot escape being a part of the culture and phenomenon or at the very least: “using it” (peeping).
It is more than viral, it is a social plague that has no quarantine unless outside of the planet earth.
Posting on sites like Facebook and Twitter is a type of narcissism-narcissistic in type (and scribe). But because the phenomenon is widely used, it is considered “normal” to do so (regardless how narcissistic you may feel someone else’s scribe is as compared to yours-you’re still in the same boat of narcissism). I don’t care if you hide your face and refuse to so much as put up a profile picture, and post scribe strictly from quotes of a book of quotes-the fact still remains, you are still there, and as well-you post.
You, me, and anyone up to and including a box of Cornflakes, have exhibited narcissistic qualities if we have posted on Facebook and/or Twitter (just the same-if the pages are private or open). Regardless what we do for a living, or aspire to be, or if we only do it when we’re bored, there is no “un-narcissist” reason why we have to post on Facebook or Twitter; our comings, goings, completed missions, quests, conquests, the food we’re dining on, (or quotes).
Simply because a way has been made to introduce or show ourselves to the world does not necessarily mean that we have to take advantage of it (especially in real-time), and more importantly (while there are still available; the same alternatives that were made available before the birth of Facebook and Twitter), our electing to take advantage of real-time exhibition is too, an choice to act and exhibit a behavior that we (still) have other options and choices to display, or introduce.
The more we play into inferior subculture rhetoric and jargon like: “follower” (insinuating being lead), or lack of numbers, attention, and cosigners; the more we can develop inferiority complexes (on and offline).
The more we post and become concerned with: count, and fall victim to [or allow our egos to be pumped by] numbers, attention, and cosign; the more narcissistic we can become (on and offline).
By definition and diagnosis of the American Psychological Association’s DSM IV, our activity doesn’t necessarily mean we have inferiority complexes or are narcissists simply because we participate in this technology and phenomenon however…it can aid us in turning into (true) narcissists, and cause us to develop (true) inferiority complexes (and superiority complexes).
(Speaking of the way we “socialize” today):
A social presence/personality is a social presence and social personality.
Read it again, slowly:
A social presence/personality is a social presence and social personality.
(And personal/personality is personal presence and personal personality).
Do not think that a man (or any person for that matter)…because of their positive, sound, personable, kind, and approachable social presence and social personality, they are who they say they are (whether they are online for business, brand, or just because).
Any person who puts their real (traceable) person, business, or brand on the line (on-line) has a social personality to profess, project, and protect.
And regardless of anyone’s opinion of it or them, they do not want to be look upon as a person of bad: character, morals, indignity or any characterization or adjective that can be looked upon as socially deviant.
So naturally, as best they can (not so much “as truthful as they can,”) they are going to put their best face forward, therefore, do not be so naïve as to think that from behind that from behind those pixels/off-line, that is going to be the person that you are dealing with personally (although as well, they could very well be that person they project, and profess to be).
It’s not for me to judge-just you to consider.
I have to put that sidebar in because the truth is: we do (eventually) meet people from on-line, off-line. And if you haven’t, at some point-you will attempt to, or consider doing it (at the very least).
That being said, as a woman, you still have a space to protect.
So it is in your best interest to use your mind.
Don’t allow your emotions speak to your heart and head through that silence that you are hearing and your eyes are reading…
Don’t be deaf and blind.
HOW A MISOGYNIST TYPE “WORKS” ON YOU, WHAT HE DOES & HOW HE “OPERATES.”
A misogynistic type of man works on you by operating from fear, with fear, and out of fear (from feeling inferior and/or powerless), so they instill fear because of his own fears (as listed in this chapter’s sections): the “Beautiful Woman,” the “Successful Woman,” the “Liberated/Ambitious/Free-Spirited/High-Spirited Woman,” the “Promiscuous Woman,” the “Women of his Bad/Failed Relationships” and the “Societal Pressures, Demands, and Expectations”-are all those things that chip away at his own self-confidence, self-esteem and make him feel rejected, angry or inadequate (if he is mentally weak, and emotionally bitter and unhealthy).
Not all misogynistic men take to a fist, teeth, a gun, a rope, duct tape, and a knife to women. How far and to what extent remains to be held by the woman who has the unfortunate experience in meeting and taking up with one (be it on a date or a casual, professional or social acquaintance, or low and behold: a relationship).
As it relates to your reading this kind of a book, I can tell you this.
I wrote it to first empower you with tips and ways to tap into your own personal self-esteem and confidence, and ways to better strengthen (healthy) friendships that are worth the effort of maintaining/salvaging. I then go into writing about ways to work on, see, and be comfortable with your own personal self and establishing a close personal relationship with yourself, before (be able to) truly understand various types of men. And from there, we go over how to “deal” with them. A misogynistic type of man would never allow or appreciate a woman (especially his woman) to read or learn anything that is geared toward empowering or enlightening her on better ways to better herself, or ways to be selective in what to look out for, run away from, or run to (when dealing with men). Or anything that makes her feel beautiful, vibrant, alive, and spirited.
As a SOCIAL ACQUAINTANCE, a misogynistic type feels very “competitive,” envious, angry, and jealous of you only after feeling rejected by you, and surprisingly, will at first, flirt with you (but only to bring you down to and soften you to his “level” not necessarily because he is interested in you any longer) but just so he can do that work on you…as if he cares about you and he doesn’t even know you personally. This is done to make himself feel better about himself-by way killing two birds with one stone: trying to make himself look upstanding (knowing he’s trying to knife you), but making himself look righteous in the interim. Because it is very common and the social “norm” now (as a last resort), he’ll even try to work on you by throwing God, morality, character, and dignity into the equation; using religious, or spiritual “buffers” with rhetoric like “positive,” “negative,” “humble,” “humility” etc. If you do not fall for that tactic, and he feels that you are in no way interested in him on a personal level or outside of being a social acquaintance; he will cat fight you, try and degrade you, speak cryptic words, stalk you, and do whatever he can do to try and break the spirit of what he sees as a high-spirited, liberated, independent, or ambitious woman. He will beat it, knead it, choke it, and stab at it until he breaks her (if he can)…if she hasn’t read this book J
In a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP, the misogynistic type of man will use mental, emotional or even resort to physical abuse to instill fear in a woman by being hurtful and critical of everything from the way she looks, what she does, or he’ll tears down anything that brings her comfort, security and confidence. He is almost always unsupportive and negative of her goals or ambitions and will rarely (if at all) offer her any encouragement or seek to inspire or motivate her to be all that she can be. He will work at breaking her spirit so badly that (if she hasn’t read this book) he will convince her that everything she is doing is worthless, unworthy and will not work.
He is the type who may have approach and fell in like with your beauty (as was) but by the time he is into a relationship with you, will have convinced you how terrible you look with all the things that first attracted him to you in the first place. And by the time he has stripped you of the beauty that you felt made you beautiful, you will have been 40lbs heavier, isolated from your once vibrant social life and friends that have become so estranged from you that if he ever heard you talking to them on the phone or while standing in the grocery store line, it’ll cause such a knock-down-drag out in your household that you would rather meet Lucifer than to ever talk to (or see) anyone from your past ever again.
THE GOAL OF MISOGYNY
To make you feel (in spirit, and as a woman/a person) lthe way he feels (as a “man” and in comparison to the inadequacy and anger he feels he is “up against”): the “Beautiful Woman,” the “Successful Woman,” the “Liberated/Ambitious/Free-Spirited/High-Spirited Woman,” the “Promiscuous Woman,” the “Women of his Bad/Failed Relationships” and the “Societal Pressures, Demands, and Expectations.”
(Keep in mind that a rich man, a hobo, or a middle-class man can be in the same boat in this behavior, thinking, and pathology.
HOW TO SPOT THE MISOGYNISTIC TYPE
Although the misogynist cannot be “spotted,” like leopards, they wear “spots.” There are a few early cues that you can consider even before getting to know them. They wear their spots like a woman wears her heart on her sleeve.
Typically, and upfront, they are:
· Very bitter and/or:
· Competitive and combative with women and/or:
· Unfulfilled and complaining about life and unsure of their place in it and/or:
· Have continuous and consistent low or cryptic opinions and attitudes about women (whom they don’t know personally) that may be beautiful, successful, liberated, ambitious, high spirited, or free-spirited and/or:
· Resistant or unapproachable (and although-as explained exactly “why” in Gem #10 you should never approach a man anyways), they have an attitude of a kind of “reverse chivalry” where they feel like a woman should initiate everything from the dinner invite, a drink, a dance, down to opening the store or car door for him too, if the opportunity presented itself
As explained in the first few paragraphs in the Introduction: Women Can Fake Orgasms But Men Can Fake A Whole Entire Relationship (For Years), it is already enough that women have to learn to deal with the savvy way that men have to survive love in life until he truly commits to the one he truly wants to Queen.
To be honest (and as shocking, or cruel as it may sound) they have to survive love in life differently than women because they are socialized differently than women-and as well, have more options than women.
But while that “luxury” is a given that cannot be controlled by you; it is essential that you have the confidence to accept nothing but the very best for you.
Have fun, date, mingle and live life not so much as suspiciously, but in order to deal, you have to know what you are dealing with and from there, proceed accordingly.
THE “VISUAL” OF THE MISOGYNISTIC TYPE:
“Mister” (with Celie)…not with Shug Avery.
A misogynist type can be a misogynist to one woman and a perfect gentleman to another one (at the same time)-a perfectly good reference point to consider and understand; that stark-raving dichotomy, difference, and about-face a man can be from one woman to another woman. That is why it is so very important to build your self-esteem, and to work on knowing (and being comfortable) with yourself so that you won’t fall victim to being put into these kinds of predicaments and with having, you will accept nothing less than proper treatment while having the confidence to fold, walk away, or run from bad treatment.
As a woman, whether a man is the misogynist type (or not) and although “The Color Purple” was a movie, never get caught up into the belief that a man’s bad treatment of you is the extent of his ability to be with all women.
You’d better believe that whatever it is you are not getting from him, there is a woman out here in this world who can and will command it from and of him. And he will do it with glee and behave like a puppy being thrown jerky treats while he shits on you.
Be a woman of stature.
Not a statue (or a pigeon).
I will reiterate this to you again, you’ve got to get this in your head about men:
“Understand something about all men and the word: “obedient.”
If I didn’t know any better, the word “obey” was removed from traditional vow-speak for the sake of men-not [the possible of oppression] of women.
All men have an internal Oedipus-like complex that never left them since being little boys (regardless of the relationship they did or did not have with their mother).
It’s a kind of “reverse submission” (the way that feeling of wanting to submit takes over a woman when she is attracted to a man).
Men came from the most spiritual part of a woman of a woman’s body.
That craving to: love, honor, and obey her (like little boys do their mother) will always lay dormant and be locked inside of the most dogmatic or even misogynistic of men.
It’s in all of them. Don’t ever believe otherwise.
All little boys’ first superstar and crush-was his mother.
His mother was the first woman to light up his life. Even if she was a bad mom and was not nurturing to him, still he was birthed from her body with that feeling inside of him.
If a man turns out to be a bad person and he grows up to hate women because of bad nurturing from his mother, his spirit will still cry out for that feeling inside of him (that he got from a woman-first).
And as they grow into (healthy) adult men, sometimes, that Oedipus-like Complex and yearning will subside, but the feeling never completely leaves.
Some woman/women wake that up in men (that feeling and that yearning), but it has to be earned. And when it is earned, that man decides that he really respects, values, likes, or loves that woman."
Now ask yourself.
Are you going to [continue to?] allow yourself to be treated (by “Mister”) like a Celie, or a Shug?
Are you going to [keep being forced to?] call your man: “Mister,” or are you going to call him: “Albert”?
WHAT TO DO WITH AND FOR A MISOGYNISTIC MAN
No, you do not have to stick a knife at his neck to consider him gone from your life, but:
Fold him, is what you do with him.
Walk away (or run) is what you do (for yourself).
Don’t “hold” anything [except the door open] for him to walk out of.
I need not belabor the obvious fact that these types of men are your number one reason why you should take your time getting to know a man before you sleep with him. We all put on a good face in the beginning (women and men)-so it is hard to see people’s patterns at first, but as you get to know them (personally)-during the “getting to know you stages,” by asking the right questions and spending time having conversation, you can learn a lot about a man.
In Gem #21 we will be going over all the pleasures and pleasantries that your King (who isn’t misogynistic) very much so deserves…in and outside of the bedroom. They are out here in the world: healthy men who respect and love women and are far from misogynistic. They deserve to be treated like Kings (those healthy-minded men who do not treat their women like: a cook, a maid, a cleaning lady, a slave, or birthing factory). He and sees her as a partner in a mutually respected relationship. If she has high self-esteem, she accepts nothing less than that anyways, and as a token of her appreciation, as a pleasantry, she only allows him to treat her like a slut for bedroom play and to cater to his ego there (again-if he is not a misogynistic type).
The last thing you want to do is end up in the bed with a man who is a misogynist or definitely is the misogynistic type. It can be the most eerie feeling to uncover that about a man-especially after you’ve slept with him and “did not know.”
As explained in Gem #5 Femininity -vs-Playing Yourself, don’t get “being a woman” and “a woman is supposed to be submissive” confused with playing yourself to cater to the ego of a misogynistic type of man.
There is a difference.
REAL men (who are healthy-minded/not misogynistic types) love themselves some “bitches.” (I’m not talking about: “I’m a Bad Bitch” or “I’m a Boss Bitch”-street/slang definition).
Men love a certain kind of “bitch,” and only a “certain kind of man” can respect, and love that certain kind of “bitch.”
An actual misogynist-will not, and cannot.
An actual misogynist has no respect for society if he has hatred for the species that is responsible for each and every foot pounding the pavement (and that includes himself).
A misogynist is not a respectable man.
A woman should NEVER bestow the gift of submission (and sex and certain sexual positions) upon any man who does not respect himself (and especially-her).
But for a respectable man (healthy minded and respectful towards women), once he is comfortable and secure that he is loved and respected, he will respect the fact that every once in a while, his woman has to put her “bitch” down.
Men love the “traditional” (but occasional) bitch, if he first loves and respects himself and you.
Don’t forget about what I reiterate about my “Oedipus Complex/Obey Theory” (as explained in Gem #3). Men still have that love (or yearning) for their mothers-that same adoration that he will give a woman…that “Queen” slate that he gives you in the beginning. Just like that same little boy who, in times of trouble, used to go run and tell his mom everything then send her out the door to get at people, that man is that same little boy who loves and needs a woman that (in times of trouble) he can turn away from trouble and say: “I’m outta here, I gotta to let my woman handle this!”…and in walks that “bitch” that he loves, (as did his mother)…to handle things.
Real men love women who are “partners” like that; strong where it counts and is needed, while at the same time-knows her place and can let him be a man.
WHAT NOT TO DO
Do not compromise feeling like a lady in order to have, to be with, or to hold onto a man.
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